“In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.” – Merle L. Meacham
Welcome! Have a click around - you're sure to find something that motivates or inspires you to live with more intensity and purpose. “Help me to accomplish the purpose of my journey.” - Genesis 24:12, A Servant’s Prayer There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer. When asked to define “great,” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream in disbelief, cry in despair, howl in pain, and vent their anger in ways they’ve never dreamed of!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah…. Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen….. Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! ———- Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ———- Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck. Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note. Customer: No… wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet…it’s still on my desk… sorry…. ———- Tech support: Click on the “my computer” icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ———- Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello… I can’t print. Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and… Customer: Listen, pal — don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates! ———- Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says, “Can’t find printer.” I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it… ———- Customer: I have problems printing in red… Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you. ———- Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. ———- Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged in to the computer? Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK. Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes. Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work. ———- Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? ———- Customer: I can’t get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. ———- Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer. ———- Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. ———- Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter “a” in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? ———- A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under Windows? Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine. Since our Information Technology expenditures have risen dramatically, the corporate office has defined a low-cost alternative to computers. The goal is to remove all computers by next year. Instead everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: 1. No boot-up problems. 2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk: Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A~Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What’s the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don’t shake it. Lessons learned during the Computer Age:
A computer was something on TV, From a science-fiction show of note, A window was something you hated to clean, And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend, And gig was a job for the nights, Now they all mean different things, And that really mega bytes. An application was for employment, A program was a TV show, A cursor used profanity, A keyboard was a piano. Log on was adding wood to the fire, Hard drive was a long trip on the road, A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife, And paste you did with glue, A web was a spider’s home, And a virus was a flu. I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper, And the memory in my head, I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead. |
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