Home is the place where a fellow goes when he is tired of being nice to people.

Home is the place where we are treated the best and grumble the most.

Home is where part of the family waits until the rest of the family brings back the car.

To a small boy, home is merely a filling station.

A honeymoon is that delightful interval between bells and bills.

An honorary degree is like the curl on the tail of a pig: it follows the main part of the animal; it is highly ornamental; in no way does it improve the quality of the ham.

Horse sense is stable thinking combined with the ability to say "Nay."

Housework is something you do that nobody notices unless you don't do it.

The greatest ignorance is being proud of your learning.

A husband is one who lays down the law to his wife and then accepts all the amendments.

A hypocrite is a fellow who writes a book advocating atheism and then prays that it will have a big sale.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Perspiration in preparation is the way to obtain inspiration in your presentation.

JOY-- let "J" represent Jesus. Let "O" represent nothing. Let "Y" represent you. The result is joy-- nothing between Jesus and you!

Justification means that God through this amazing process makes me appear justified in His eyes: "Just-as-if-I'd" never sinned.

Kindness is something very difficult to give away, for it is usually returned.